Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
