I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
