wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
