The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
