I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
