literally had 100 drinks last night.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
