So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
