I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
