she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
