She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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