Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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