whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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