Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
