Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
