The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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