I'd wear matching sweaters with you
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
My vagina is officially offended.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
