i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
