i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
