So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
