**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
