I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
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