i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
