i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
