How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
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