he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
