My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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