no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
