When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
