I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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