Sponge bath it is.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
