Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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