textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
