All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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