When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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