hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
