dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize