I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
