Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
