After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
