Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
