yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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