i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
You need a sexual gate keeper
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
