Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
