u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
