I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
