Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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