A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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