apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
