guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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