I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Randomize
