Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
