dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize