Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
