i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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