Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
