I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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