He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
