my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
