So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I need a burrito and a hug.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
