Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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