you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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