i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Randomize
