can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
