trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
