You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
