Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
