I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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