Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
