Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
