I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
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