There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
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