I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
