Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize