Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
