I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
