I just made out with a guy for $7.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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