i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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