not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize