Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
