Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
