I think I died a long time ago.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
