now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
