oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
